Harry's Letter to Snape
by daveypandas
Summary: While Snape is out of Hogwarts, Harry decides to send him some insulting letters. What are they? What do they say? One of these days, I will add more to it.
1. The First Letter

A/N: I got bored...

Disclaimer: I don't own Alfalfa or Harry Potter...

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Hermione chased Harry through the Great Hall for a very particular reason---he wrote a letter to Professor Snape and was trying to put it into the mailbox before Hermione could get it. He threw the letter to Ron, who put it in the box. Hermione squealed, "No! Harry, you'll get in very big trouble!" Harry and Ron hi-fived and cheered. This truly was sweet revenge

The next day, Professor Snape stooped over to pick up the pile of letters in the floor. He shuffled through them. One of the letters was labeled anonymous. Snape's face grew paler than it already was.This is probably a very important letter…Snape quickly tore it open and found a fresh piece of folded parchment. It was a letter. He unfolded it and read:

_Dear Snape,_

_I hate your stinking guts._

_You make me vomit._

_You are the scum between my toes._

_Love,_

_Harry Potter _

Snape's face grew white with rage. "I will have my revenge on him! How dare he insult me like that!"


	2. The Second and Final Letter of Insanity

A/N: This is the last chapter. How will this story end?

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Snape was ready to take revenge Harry Potter. There was only one problem---he didn't work at Hogwarts anymore. The ex-potions master cursed under his breath. He shuffled through the rest of the letters, hoping to finally find one from the one and only dark lord, Lord Voldemort. He found another letter labeled _anonymous. _Snape harshly ripped it open and read:

_Dear Severus Snape,_

_You sicken me. You are the worst of my followers! You are the big- nosed parrot everybody is always running from. Your hair is so greasy, the muggles could fry hamburgers and French fries on your head. Again, you disgust me! I know a little secret of yours; you have a secret crush on Lucius Malfoy's wife! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahah! By the way, your face is a monkey's ass._

_The Dark Lord_

_P.S. Just joking! It's Potter! And Voldemort should be called 'The Dark Dork'. Tell him I said that._

Snape's knuckles were even whiter with rage, gripping the letter so tightly. He went mad that night, rashly screaming and knocking everything in the apartment to pieces. It was so bad; it scared all the birds away for a month. And in that same night, he was put in a crazy house.

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A/N: This is supposed to be kind of short and scary; it definitly fits the description. For now, I'm tired of Snape bashing. It uses a lot of energy. This story is now complete. And no offense to all those peeps who respect the potions master. 


	3. Three more letters to the Crazy Home

A/N: I am soo sorry for the long update, guys. Now, we will continue…

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**End? Nah. Just pulling your leg…**

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Professor Severus Snape, now located in a crazy house, sat alone in the yellow room wearing a strait jacket grumbling in complaint. After an hour of waiting, several wizard guards came into the room with a large letter.

"A letter for Snape," one of them said as his eyes darted from the wild-eyed professor to the sophisticated letter in his hand.

"Just…open it!" Snape hissed. But the men quickly ran out of the room. "Blast! I'll do it myself!" he hissed again. Snape leaned over and shredded the letter open with his grimy yellow teeth like an animal. He read the letter:

_Dear Snape,_

_Should I call him the Dark Lord or the Dark Dork? _

_Sincerely,_

_Harry Potter_

As Snape grit his teeth, another paper fell out of the envelope:

_Dear Severus Snape,_

_You will be haunted by my Bloomers of Doom! Be prepared…_

_Love,_

_Dumbledore's ghost _

_P.S. Take a shower for once._

And another piece of paper fell out:

_Dear Snape,_

_We cannot tolerate your smell in our little clan. Why don't you do something with your hair or start dressing like a man? You look like a woman in a black dress and we've discussed how gay it makes you look. You are FIRED!_

_-Lord Voldemort_

_P.S. I did it with Malfoy's wife. Haha. _

Snape screamed like a woman and wriggled around in his strait jacket until he fell asleep…

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To be continued…


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